I didn’t get my sister a gift for her birthday. Originally, I was going to redo my driver’s license so that she could get into 21+ bars, but then she grew ten years ten days before her birthday, and 5 dollars and 2 hours of people watching wouldn’t cover it. She went to Disney world and got a ring for her birthday and needless to say, I forgot to move to the second choice. (Oh how tacky her engagement! Strike one: At disney world. Strike two: On her birthday. Strike three: He bought it at Jareds. And the guy didn’t even get down on one knee. No speech. No surprise. Just a “Here. (pause) What do you want for dessert?”……………..I digress…)

But here’s the thing. There are two talents in which I qualify in the “above par” bracket. Rummy, the card game, and gift giving. I’m pretty damn good at picking out the perfect item for an individual. I do it constantly and consistently, in small (hey, you’ve been good to me! Let me buy for you tonight) and large (oh yeah, I remember that you wanted that years ago. I’m sorry I couldn’t afford it earlier) quantities. I do, I enjoy it! Tonight I read a tip in the recent issue of RealSimple, 10 Ways to Divorce Proof Your Marriage by the Daily Show correspondent couple Jason Jones and Samantha Bee (they are married? whoa!) that couples should never pass up the chance to go all out in gift giving. That gifts should never be activity or chore oriented, or something that the person was going to pick out anyway. That it should take a few minutes or days or months to think about, and that the lover will certainly tell if it’s thrown together. Or to quote Jones and Bee -I love you. And I get you.

Perhaps that’s why I like gift giving. Because I get the people I love. I observe. I care. I listen. But it’s incredibly disappointing to constantly receive piss poor gifts. These gifts include soap, candles, and gift cards. Period. They suck. Do it for people you hate. Really, I wouldn’t even suggest a boss or co-worker, because those gifts just scream “This is just a peace offering. I really don’t give a rats ass what you do outside of this place.” And generally, that’s what I get. Soaps, cheap perfumes, gift cards, and trinkets. Thankfully, no candles (At least they know me well enough that I’ve almost set the house on fire leaving a space heater or straightener on… and in one special case, a frying pan of grease…) Cash, I certainly can’t refuse. But still people! I want a surprise! I want to unwrap and find an expensive sweater that I would never buy but ogle on a daily basis. I want Chanel No5 just to have it, and Beyonce’s new fragrance because, damn, that is the scent of sex appeal. I want the expensive leather bag and the expensive leather jacket that I can wear out and then pass on to my future ass-kickin daughter so that she may too wear it ragged (vintage will never go out of style). I want an heirloom jewelry piece from Tiffany’s (no, Tiffany’s isn’t always expensive). I want a puppy. I want flowers for no reason whatsoever. I want shoes that won’t hurt my feet. I want a series of T-shirts or an expensive piece of electronica equipment (turntable, headphones, an iPod that doesn’t make me choose 1/4 of my library) that I would never shell out $100+. I want something to cherish and to remember the person and the excitement and the pride of using that item.

In other words, stop giving me shit. Especially when I make the effort to please you on whatever special occasion there is. 

Again, I digress…

 Perhaps another reason I “forgot” Katie’s birthday presents - her gifts have been awful. And I’ve been especially (and probably unnecessarily so) hurt by her carelessness. For her dimwit fiance, she scoured ebay to find a special item that reminded him of his childhood. She paid waay too much for it, and then showered him with other gifts. Hell, even for my ex, even though the gift was inexpensive and she was considerably unimpressed with him, she made an effort in his gift. What did I give her? I gave up my prized duffel bag because I felt bad that she was lugging around some cheap nylon thing that my aunt gave us when we were ten. What did I get? A journal she bought at borders (because the price tag was still stuck on it) and some sort of Office notepad. 

For my birthday? A sticker to put on my computer. Again, Office themed. During a time when she would spend $50 a week on alcohol and had enough money saved to make car payments with ease. 

So I didn’t put much importance on this birthday gift. - And now I’m regretting that I did. Regardless of her… shun? she’s in way over her head, and reminders that she’s loved is necessary. So I’m going to buy her a present that isn’t family related, baby related, or nesting related… Just for her, just for fun.

I have in mind a sushi making kit (she loves sushi, and cooking and everything that would go along with the gift), a pair of TOMS, and an apron from Anthropologie and matching oven mitts (I know this sounds nesting, but Katie has always approached cooking as a hobby, and how glamorous would it be in a get up thats a bit pricier?)

Know this, readers, I’ve been asking for the above items for a couple of years or more. I’ve made it known to people over Christmas’ and birthdays and etc that I would love those things, but I can’t justify splurging that amount for one of those items. (Instead, I head to Gabe’s). So there’s a secret to gift giving. Don’t give something that you wouldn’t love to receive. 

This post was supposed to make me feel better. To vent a little about my aggravating sister about something so very trivial instead of thinking about pressing things at hand… and its done the opposite.