And then the are girls like me who (unknowingly and certainly unintentionally) have “Marriage Material” written all over them. 

Stop it. I don’t want to marry, I have absolutely no reason or want to commit to you or anyone else. I don’t like kids, I like my figure. Houses are boring and expensive and too binding. I don’t want to make friends with another couple and attend group outings that have the same number of guys and girls. I don’t want to budget. I do not want to follow anyone, anywhere, anytime soon. Chances are, my goals are more important than yours anyway. And no, I won’t be willing to compromise them. You really aren’t worth it (and deep down, you know it). 

Just buy me dinner and I’ll wear a pretty dress and laugh at your jokes and you’ll be surprised at how well I can carry on a conversation. Maybe I’ll kiss you goodnight. You’ll feel important and I’ll be fed. We’ll call it even. It will be over before we think negative thoughts about the other person. 

If that’s not enough for you, there are thousands of women out there dying to be housewives and watch bad TV after she puts your kids to bed. And in the end, we both know that’s all you want. Go find her, it won’t be hard. She’s in the coffee shop a little too long and the bar a little too often hoping that the the extra chair beside her will someday occupy her final, glorious romance. She’s in the church volunteering to take care of the nursery and complimenting the pastor. She is serving you dinner and posting semi suggestive photos of herself (sultry face, but cleavage is a no-no) on facebook. She’s absolutely dying to look like a princess in that white dress in a white church and have a life of minidramas (She knows you’ll get bored and cheat, but she’s bored too, and couples therapy gives her a night out in the week. Plus, everyone is gossiping about her now, and pitying her. All that attention!). She’s simple. She likes top 40 and Kohl’s. She won’t cause you headache or heartache. You won’t even have to wholly respect her. She will love you in small, comfortable ways and she will be your loyal companion (you know, like your pet). Go find her.

I’m not her. Don’t get your hopes up. Let me alone and leave me to wander.